Oct 18, 2011: Prayer

I haven't written here in a long time. I've been praying a lot lately. Not to a thundering man with shock-white hair and flowing robes. Not reciting scripture repeated so many times the words have lost their weight.  I've been praying on my knees -as James Altucher says - so my body knows it's being humble. When I'm in the water, I pray a lot (mostly for my own life in that moment) but also to give thanks to whatever my version of God is for allowing me to be there in the beautiful ocean with all the equally beautiful creation. I hardly get into the ocean anymore. It's altered my attitude to the tune of crankypants.

Lately, every morning, I read a meditation and try to say a prayer for the day before caffeine addiction overrides good intentions. Before going to sleep now, just like when I was very little, I kneel at the end of my bed, clasp my hands, hold them at my forehead and pray. Sometimes for selfish things like great success, less gray hair and delicious arm candy. Mostly, though, I pray for a heart of compassion and kindness. Less judgment and anger.

I pray to have faith and I pray to be comforted through all this loneliness and uncertainty. I pray to have a heart of gratitude and I pray for the people on all sides of conflict who have it ten thousand times worse than I can imagine.I pray for people in despair and pain. I pray for the safety of the defenseless. I pray for the health of our Earth, animals, children and old people. I pray my grandmother will allow herself one moment of happiness in almost 100 years of living.

I say things like, "If you happen to see Tugboat please tell him we love him." I try to pray for the soul of my father but I'm still angry after all these years and I pray for help with that. I give thanks for my friends and I pray for them. Their relationships, their jobs, their families, their struggles. I pray for their health and happiness and I pray that somehow a great spirit in the universe can wrap the lonely and despairing up in Its arms for a moment of peace.

Not consciously, but I tend to pray extra for creatures of the sea and homeless, hunted and abused animals. That's why seeing this today made me so happy:

A 7-day-old baby dolphin, with its umbilical cord still attached, was found beached in Uruguay. This man, Richard Tesore, rehabilitates orphaned dolphins. (Of course I'm praying like crazy for the calf, its mother and this man)        Photo: Reuters

Click here. It will make you happy, too, I hope. The man's name is Richard Tesore. He is proof that prayers get answered.

It feels good to pray. I feel connected. Still lonely, uncertain, stressed. Praying breaks apart the panic and tightness in my chest. Sometimes I pray and I start sobbing. Not out of sadness, but release. It feels good to speak with an open heart and be vulnerable. I pray on my knees so my body knows it's being humble. It's hard to do in Hollywood sometimes.